As your parent ages, signs that they need help include poor hygiene, struggling to manage finances or household duties, missing or taking too much medication, trouble driving, problems with mobility, changes in mood and personality, poor nutrition, and unexplained injuries. These signs may mean that a visit to the doctor is in order, or that different caregiving or living arrangements may be more appropriate. Signs of decline look different for each person, and no one knows your parent like you do. Something unusual for them may be the norm for another person.
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The more medications your loved one takes, the higher the risk of error.[01] Niki Gewirtz, a former executive director of senior living communities who now trains Senior Living Advisors at A Place for Mom, recalls her personal experience with medication mismanagement.
“It [medication management] started becoming an issue for my grandmother,” Gewirtz recalls. “My mom would visit and find her blood pressure meds on the floor where she had dropped them and didn’t know it. She ended up in the hospital several times because of not taking her meds appropriately.”
Some red flags that your parent isn’t taking their medicines correctly include:
Shelley T., whose mother recently moved into an independent living community, has been keeping an eye on her mom’s medication routines. “Keeping an organized refill schedule has been a nightmare,” she says. “Every week it seems like she needs another medication refilled. I haven’t gotten involved in organizing that yet but can see that I’m going to need to.”
Neglecting self-care could be a sign that your parent isn’t able to complete these tasks on their own anymore. It could also be a sign of declining mobility, depression, or early dementia. Regardless of the cause, poor hygiene carries health risks.
Poor hygiene has many noticeable signs, including:
“When a senior isn’t managing incontinence hygiene, it can lead to UTIs and skin breakdown. Not showering regularly can also trigger skin issues,” says Gewirtz.
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The condition of your parent’s home can be a good indicator of how they’re doing, both physically and mentally.
Gewirtz suggests that family caregivers keep an eye out for:
“Mom’s as neat as she’s ever been,” Shelley notes, “but I have started to notice that she thinks she can do more than she really can. She often asks my sister and I to help, but by the time we get to her house, she’s tried to do it herself but couldn’t. So, we’re also doing more than we used to.”
Mismanaging money (an instrumental activity of daily living [IADL]) is a common sign that a loved one may need more help than they’re getting.
Money management signs to watch for:
Even though it may be awkward to discuss, it’s worth working through the discomfort. “Being able to make sure bills are paid can mean the difference between keeping the power on or not,” Gewirtz says.
Gewirtz notes that many families are concerned about their loved one’s safety while driving. Seniors want to keep their independence, and no family member wants to be the person who takes away the keys.
Signs that your loved one may be having trouble with driving include:
“I’m more concerned about her driving. She hasn’t had any accidents, so I’m not sure why I’m feeling this way. But I’m thinking about it more than I used to,” says Shelley.
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Nutrition is important at any age, and especially for seniors.
Gewirtz notes the following red flags may signal your loved one isn’t getting appropriate nutrition:
Any of these signs can lead to malnutrition and other health issues, Gewirtz says.
You may have additional concerns if your loved one already has health problems such as high blood pressure or diabetes. Seniors on a low- or no-salt diet may struggle if they’re not cooking or eating fresh food, as processed foods are typically higher in sodium. People who have diabetes may have trouble controlling their blood sugar levels if they’re not getting the nutrition they need regularly.
Shelley and her sister have learned there’s a pattern to their mom’s eating habits. “She tends to eat things that don’t agree with her when she gets depressed,” Shelley says.
Organizing around food shopping and staying on top of daily nutritional needs is another challenge for Shelley’s mom: “I take her to the grocery every week, but she doesn’t always make a list. If her stomach’s upset, she won’t eat for three or four days.” she notes.
Mood swings and personality changes in seniors can have medical causes, so you shouldn’t ignore them. An abrupt change in mood or personality could be a symptom of a treatable condition, such as an infection or a reaction to medication. Some infections can even cause dementia-like symptoms. That said, a senior may also be depressed or anxious. They may be feeling isolated or lonely. Whatever the cause, it’s a good idea to see their doctor for an evaluation.
Mood-related signs that your loved one may need help include:
“It could be related to medications, especially if there is a new med that has been introduced, so letting the doctor know of any new symptoms is important. It also could be a medical issue, like a UTI or blood sugar swings. Always let the doctor know if this is unusual behavior, as it could be something serious, and could easily be managed if caught early,” says Gewirtz.
For Shelley, her mom’s mood and personality changes are signs that it may be time for her mom to have the more intensive support of assisted living. “My mom is a very competent person. She raised my sister and I alone, went back to school for a degree, and worked full-time. But the move from her home to independent living brought so many changes in her personality,” she says.
Noticing a memory lapse once or twice may not be a big deal, as everyone forgets things sometimes. But it’s time to take your loved one to their doctor if you notice the following:[10]
“These are indicators that the senior may be experiencing early stages of dementia, which would need to be checked out by a physician,” says Gewirtz.
If your loved one is having trouble getting around, they’re going to have trouble taking care of themselves. Something as simple as poor balance could make it more difficult to get dressed, stand up from a chair, or keep from falling after tripping over something.
Gewirtz says some of the first signs of declining mobility include things like:
If your loved one is having a hard time getting around, it means it’s time for changes in their house, mobility support tools like a walker, or more daily help.
Unexplainable bruising is a red flag when it comes to your loved one’s safety. Other signs you should take note of include the following:
Gewirtz notes that falling is her first concern with physical signs of injury. “Many seniors don’t like to admit when they fall, so skin tears should be taken seriously,” Gewirtz says.
It can be difficult to know when signs of decline mean that your parent needs more support. Senior care is not one-size-fits-all, and you have many senior care options. The following steps can help you and your loved one understand how they’re doing and what kind of help they may need.
To ensure you’re able to advocate effectively for your loved one, you’ll need to get legal documentation in place, if you haven’t already. Consult with a geriatric care manager, elder law attorney, or financial planner to help you prepare for the future and determine next steps. This may help ensure you’re on the same page and make current and future care decisions easier for the whole family.
Having a [financial] power of attorney (POA) in place is important, especially if there is any concern about memory loss. Once a dementia diagnosis is in place, the senior is not legally able to sign a POA, so conservatorship or guardianship would have to be established, which is a much longer process.
If your parent wishes to age in place, modifications like adding grab bars in the bathroom, for instance, may be enough to help your parent feel more comfortable showering regularly again. An occupational therapist can evaluate your loved one’s living situation and recommend changes that will make their home safer.
A visit to the doctor may also be in order, because in addition to making the environment safer, there are things your loved one may be able to do that make them less likely to be injured at home.
Shelley recalls: “Mom’s very careful, maybe overly careful, but she wasn’t feeling balanced. So, her doctor prescribed some physical therapy and that has been helping her. I’m glad she mentioned it to him.”
As you evaluate your options, Gewirtz emphasizes that quality of life is something families should keep in mind.
“It’s important for caregivers to look at the quality of their life, their loved one’s life, and the quality of that relationship when evaluating options,” Gewirtz says. “If a family member must take a lot of time off from work or from family obligations to take care of a senior loved one, that becomes an issue. If there’s a concern about a senior wandering out of the house, getting lost, or other unsafe behaviors, that is unsustainable and needs to be addressed as soon as possible.”
Gewirtz stresses that it’s OK to seek outside help for your parent. The Senior Living Advisors at A Place for Mom can help you find solutions for your loved one. Options include:
You can get help caring for an elderly parent from many sources. Try consulting your parent’s doctor for recommendations. You might also consider respite care, getting an in-home caregiver, hiring a geriatric care manager, or moving your parent to an assisted living community.
You can deal with an aging parent who refuses help by involving them in their care plan, respecting their autonomy, and giving them time to make a decision. It’s also important for you to have an outlet for your stress during this time and ask for help when you need it.
It might be your responsibility to take care of your mother or father. Some states have filial responsibility laws that dictate who is financially responsible for an older adult’s care. If you’re concerned about the laws in your state, you can consult an elder law attorney.
You can only legally control an elderly parent’s finances if they’ve signed a financial power of attorney , or if you have a guardianship or a conservatorship in place. This lets you make financial decisions on their behalf as long as it’s in their best interest.
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Parvizi J, Coburn KL, Shillcutt SD, et al. (2009, Jan. 1). Neuroanatomy of pathological laughing and crying: A report of the American Neuropsychiatric Association Committee on Research. Clinical Research Reports.
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Bereau M, Van Waes V, Servant M, et al. (2023, June 10.). Apathy in Parkinson’s disease: clinical patterns and neurobiological basis.Cells.
Alzheimer’s Association. 10 Early signs and symptoms of Alzheimer’s and dementia.
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